I Feel Better / 6-23-23
I have been feeling sad today. I saw a photo of my cat, Oliver, from when he was a kitten. I had three cats for several years (see the Video page for their story) and I didn’t recognize it but they were too many cats for me. Flower, the oldest, was a free cat from the newspaper who I adopted when he was 8 weeks old. I gradually added two more cats the the family because it seemed like Flower needed some company and then it seemed like Flower and Oliver needed something more in their lives. I wasn’t thinking of myself in this picture at all. From this perspective now I know that there is a lot to hosting pets. Cats all have their own schedules. They have their own preferences. The have their own attitudes with each of the other cats. There’s a lot to keep in mind.
I was not a perfect cat owner or that is, cat parent. I was allergic to them, I think, and an Ayurvedic physician recommended that they not sleep with me at night. So from time to time I would follow that advice for a week or two. But cats, really, feel like it is their job to be their human’s companion. They are not just “things” in the living room at night. And I know that they love me. Or rather, they loved me. Two of them are gone. Flower is all that is left.
I was feeling sad about Oliver because I felt I let him down, scolding him one time for refusing to move from the foot of the bed where I usually put my feet under the covers. (I was thinking of the recommendation from the Ayurvedic doctor.) But I think that hurt Oliver. He was also the middle cat and he wasn’t always happy with everyone else, I could tell. He was actually depressed. I have read about cat depression and he had a lot of the symptoms. Last summer he ran in front of the postal vehicle and that was the end of Oliver.
Anyway, here is the photo of Oliver as a kitten that I saw today. I feel that I let him down. I have been focusing on the sadness. I haven’t been focusing on the good life that he had. I did love him and took good care of him and paid attention to him. I could have done a better job, but as I say I was overwhelmed with things going on in my life, and the cats were just a portion of it.
Yes, I should give myself a break. But how I would like to see it is that I did what I could. I did love that guy, Oliver, and he loved me. I think he is galavanting somewhere else, or maybe he’s here sometimes in invisible form.
Q: How can I look at the good rather than the sadness? Shall I get another cat and improve my behavior with cats? Should I just accept the sadness?
A: Sadness is a part of life. We can hold onto, feel and remember whatever part we want to focus on. I’ve held a lot of sadness from previous experiences and the same goes with these memories. I can let them go if I want. They happened, but there were a lot of other experiences and feelings surrounding these: fun and sunshine, joy evidenced in the photos I took demonstrating many cool moments with my cats! And remember that a lot of things in life have been slowly coming to fruition. It’s taken time. Things are coming to fruition today. I’ll focus on that.
